Thursday, April 24, 2014

For Jerk Eyes Only

Hullo, jerks. Do you remember our original fourth team member, Charlie "Chuck Cunningham" Simms? 

Of course you do. 

He dropped out of the ‘Doing Reviews Of Old Movies For Free’ business to pursue the ‘Taking Pictures For Money’ business, and he's kicking a formidable amount of ass with it to boot. 

Enclosed in this Special Jerk Edition of Cinema Chicanery is a link to his website. What can you, jerk extraordinaire, do? You can go to the site. You can admire the site. It has pictures. It has words. It has chutzpah. It possibly has riboflavin and silica, although the FDA has since ruled that Charlie doesn't have to disclose that to you if he doesn't want to.

But here’s the thing: Charlie sells his prints for money. Since you’re here, you probably live in a white walled apartment devoid of artwork, unless you count your “vintage” GTA III map used to acquire hidden packages. The most romantic thing on your iPod is Linkin Park. You have Halo-themed Mountain Dew cans on the shelf where books should be. You need class. You need a haircut. You need to get laid.

You need a statement piece.

This is where Charlie comes in. If you give him money, he will give you a photograph. Hang one of those suckers on your wall, stick a potted plant next to it, and maybe someone of the persuasion you’re partial to will linger after Game Night wraps up and give you the ol’ proverbial what for. No, not that one.

The other one.

             Comeback Charlie